Sealand Sucks
by xLittleFoolx
Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand, What follows are some cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with some help from Japan.
1. The Challenge

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: none

Rating: T for swearing, both American and British

Warnings: language, Sealand-bashing

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows is cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: I got the idea from my best friend's and my intense dislike for a kid in our grade. I don't know where this story will go. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 1~The Challenge

The year was 1967 and England had finally had enough of his son, Sealand. The little tyke, created for specific purposes during WWII, had outlived his raison d'être and was driving England up the wall.

"Iggy, you can't just leave Sealand out on the sidewalk in a cardboard box," America said from his spot at the table. "That's, like, terrible parenting, bro."

Japan nodded. "Hai, I agree with America, England-san."

England turned red and yelled, "He's not even a bloody country!"

"Neither are the States," America countered. "But you don't see me leaving New York or Massachusettes out near the trash cans."

England scowled at his old ward. Ever since he'd gained independence he thought he knew everything. Then the old empire got a brilliant idea that would solve all of his problems.

"If you're so good at parenting, America, then why don't _you _raise the little Principality?" England said, all smug smirks.

"Fine! I will, because I'm the hero!" America said. England's smirk grew bigger and Japan facepalmed. America never could resist a challenge, especially from his father figure.

"And Japan has to help since he's living with me," America added and Japan groaned.

"But America-san..." the Asian country whined quietly.

"Yes," England consented. "Japan, you have to make sure America doesn't back out or kill the boy on accident."

"Hey!" America protested. "I'm an awesome parent!"

"Then it shouldn't matter if your best friend stays over to watch, will it?" England said. America grumbled.

"Um, excuse me Egland-san, but where is Sealand-kun?" Japan said, peering out the window.

America joined his friend at the window. "Shit, where'd he go?"

England cackled. "He's your pain now, America! Serves you right, cocky git!"

America swore again and ran outside to look for his new charge, followed quietly by Japan whk just muttered, "Oh, America..."

xLittleFoolx


	2. Where's Sealand?

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: slight RusAme here

Rating: T for swearing

Warnings: language, Sealand-bashing, slight guyxguy (if you don't like it, don't read it!)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: Hey look! An update! Updates are sporadic as I'm posting as quick as I write. If it's not fast enough, review or PM to yell at me. I included slight RusAme (I just love that pairing!) and I may continue that later. Yes, Nantucket is an erozone, not just crazy hair. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 2~Where's Sealand?

Japan looked into the drizzly English afternoon and saw neither America nor Sealand. He sighed as he opened an umberella. "I will never understand Western nations."

*:*:*

"Yo, Sealand!" America called. His blonde hair, darkened by the rain, was all sticking to his neck, except for his ahoge nicknamed Nantucket. "Where ya at, little buddy?"

"I'm not your little buddy!" the childish voice of Sealand said from down an alley. America smirked; children could be so stupid sometimes.

America fearlessly ran into the narrow alley after his charge. The drizzle had turned to a heavier rain, but the American wasn't bothered. Up ahead he saw the boy, soaked in his blue and white sailor suit, sitting atop a shipping crate.

"I found you!" America said, punching the air in celebration. "Yeah, the hero is here!"

"Hello, America," a Russian voice said politely as gloved hands grasped the Americans shoulders. The blue-eyed nation let out a squeak as a cold exhalation on his neck made him shiver.

"Gah, lemme go, ya commie bastard!" America said, thrashing in the giant's grip. Sealand smiled and skipped off, unnoticed ny the superpowers.

"Nyet," Russia said, grinning his innocent smile. "Why did you so foolishly run into the alley, dear?"

America grimaced. "Where'd Sealand go?"

"Sealand?"

"Iggy made me Sealand's new guardian, but he ran off before I could even start," America said. "Could you ease up? My arms are losing circulation."

Russia lessened his grip but didn't let go until America had frowned at him for a few minutes. Then a flashy anime ringtone sounded off and he reached for his phone.

"Yo, Japan! Sup?"

"Kon'nichiwa, America. I have Sealand-kun."

"Awesome. I'm coming."

America hung up and yelped when he felt strong arms wrap around his middle. He blushed as the ash blonde man nuzzled his neck.

"I've missed you, sunflower," the Russian murmured.

"Yeah," America said simply, refusing to melt into the embrace.

"I will visit soon."

xLittleFoolx


	3. Meet the Family

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: none, the hint at USUK is false

Rating: T for swearing

Warnings:mild language, little bit of Sealand-bashing, slightly OOC Japan

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: Hiya, been a while. This chapter is longer to make up for it. (And I can't even post it right now since ff. net is down right now Dx ) Guess who makes an appearance? IT'S CANADA! Updates are sporadic as I'm posting as quick as I write. If it's not fast enough, review or PM to yell at me. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 3~Meet the Family

America's Ford pick up truck traveled smoothly over the dirt road. Sealand looked out the window to watch the rich scenery flashing by. The American babbled as he drove and Japan nodded along, paying strict attention.

Sealand gasped as the big house came into view. The setting sun bathed the wraparound porches in a pink glow and dyed the windows orange. The self-proclaimed country had never seen such a house. England's quaint cottage paled in comparison and his seafort, while being 4 sq km, was pitiful next to this mansion.

America parked the truck and he nations (and principality) went into the house. The loud-mouthed American began showing off his place and led Sealand into the living room. There on the couch sat a blonde man nearly identical to America, watching a hockey game on the television.

"Funny, I don't remember leaving the TV on," America said, grabbing the remote and changing it to football.

"Hey! I was watching that!" the man on the couch shouted. America looked around in alarm but his eyes skipped over the protesting man. "I'm on the couch, America."

America's eyes finally focused on his target and he smiled. "Hey, bro! When did you get here?"

Canada sighed and his long curl bounced. "I've been here since last night. Did you forget I was coming to visit again?"

America ran a hand through his hair and smiled sheepishly. " Course not. I just got stuck at England's house and now I have a new son..."

The northern nation's violet eyes widened. "You made a baby with England? How is that even possible?"

America reddened and sputtered, "What the hell are ya talkin about? I just adopted Sealand is all! You know I could never be with Iggy like that! Especially not after him and France-"

"Oh, thank God!" Canada said, cutting him off. "Who's Sealand?"

"I'm a small country 13 km off the coast of England!"Sealand piped up. He'd been watching the back and forth between the brothers with interedt while Japan started cooking dinner.

"You're not a country," America and Japan both said automatically. Sealand frowned and stuck his tongue out.

"Why did England trust you with a kid?" Canada asked, setting his stuffed polar plushie on the couch next to him.

"England-san irritated America's need to prove himself," Japan called from the kitchen.

"Hey, I'm an awesome parent!" America said, crossing his arms in a pout. Canada's polar bear smirked. "Shut up, Kumajirou!"

"How are you gonna raise him?" Canada asked. The States had more or less raised themselves since not even America could be in 50 places at once.

"The American way!" America said, striking an heroic pose. The Star Spangled Banner started playing and Canada facepalmed while Sealand stood in awe.

A minute or so passed in this way and then the anthem started from the beginning. Sealand's look of adoration faltered and then vacated completely when America fumbled with his cellphone.

"Hi, Mr President!" he answered. He listened a moment and then said, "Yeah, I'll come right now. Bye."

"Sealand!" the boy looked at his new caretaker. "Time to meet the president ofnthe US of A!"

xLittleFoolx


	4. The Adventures of Sealand

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: rather obvious but not explicit RusAme

Rating: T for swearing, yaoi

Warnings: language, Sealand-bashing, guyxguy (if you don't like it, don't read it!), basic Russian, human names

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: Wow! Another update so quickly? I've had a lot of free time at school to work (cough, I'm secretly a slacker, cough) on it so updates may be quicker. No promises. More RusAme because it was received relatively well in chapter 2 and I love them. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 4~The Adventures of Sealand

Sealand licked the chocolate ice cream off the spoon as he strained to hear the conversation between America and his boss. They'd sent him away with a maid in order to discuss their "adult business" in peace and he'd gone quietly at the mention of ice cream.

All Sealand could hear from his station outside the thick oak door were such phrases as "You idiot," "He's not even a real country!" and "But I'm the hero!" The boy was getting disgruntled because he just knew they were discussing America's rash adoption of the principality.

:*:*:

Inside the Oval Office, the president sat with his head in his hands. "Why the hell would you adopt Sealand? We have so many other things to worry about without taking on a country to raise!"

"He's not even a country!" America protested. "And England pretty much made me do it."

The president glared, but America continued with his puppy dog eyes. His not-so-secret weapon had never failed to get him what he wanted. Well, except with Canada, who had his own patented puppy look.

"England and Japan both called me the night you adopted the boy and their stories agree that England did not force you. You took custody of the child of your own volition."

America frowned. Those traitors!

"However," the human sighed. "Since you are the nation of America, I have no choice but to allow you to continue your idiotic project under the supervision of Japan."

"Yeah!" America cheered.

:*:*:

Sealand had long since finished his ice cream and was wandering the halls of the White House. No maids had stopped his progress so he figured it was okay. Any time the scary men in suits had started coming, Sealand ducked into whatever room he could find to hide.

It was during one of these escapes that he ran into a doorway only to bump into something and go sprawling. The security men came running to see if he was alright, but were waved off by the man in the doorway. Sealand looked up to see it was Russia. They shared a moment of confusion.

"Why are you here?" Sealamd demanded. "This is America's place."

Russia smiled and kolkolkol'd. "Da, but where is Amerika?"

Sealand shivered as the air around Russia went purple and hazy. Clearly the biggest country was unhappy and ready to take it out on the mini principality.

"He's talking to his boss!" Sealand wailed. The security guards looked like they wanted to help, but Russia was just too scary-looking.

Luckily for Sealand, America came running down the hall to save the day. After, his meeting with the president, the blonde had looked for his charge, humming spy music and rolling into doorways. Sealand's screams of terror, as America would later recount, had led the hero to the right place.

After pointing dramatically, America shouted, "Unhand him, you villain!"

Russia grinned and snatched Sealand up from the floor before running off down the hall. "Come and catch me, sunflower."

"Russia, you bastard!" America yelled as he gave chase. "Bring my kid back!"

"Nyet," was the only reply.

:*:*:

The secret service watched the men running through the White House with pained expressions. After getting a radio call, they'd been instructed by the president to "let the fools do as they please."

Near the kitchen, two agents were having a coffee break when said fools had careened past, the boy screeching as the ash blonde almost dropped him around a corner.

"Mr Braginski and Mr Jones sure are energetic today," one commented.

"I feel bad for the kid," the other one said. "Who does he belong to?"

His partner shrugged and they returned to their coffees.

:*:*:

Russia was trapped. He'd run down the stairs to the cellar, America still chasing him, and therd was no way out.

"Give it up, Braginski," America said from his position at the cellar stairs. "If you bring Sealand to me now, I'll go easy on your punishment."

Gloved hands grabbed around his middle and America felt hot breath on his ear. "What punishment is that, Fredka?"

America gasped but Russia kept the squirming nation in place. "Damn it! How'd you get behind me?"

"I'm always behind you, dear," Russia chuckled, ghosting a hand over America's hip. America blushed and slapped the wandering hand away.

"Ivan, quit it. There's a kid down here!" America hissed, renewing his efforts to break free.

"The only child down here is you, Fredka," Russia purred, nuzzling the neck in front of him. America paled.

"Where the hell is Sealand?"

"Matvey has him," Russia replied easily. "Now forget about the boy and focus on me instead."

"Damn commie" America murmured, finally giving into the caresses.

"I love you, too, dear."

**TRANSLATIONS**

Da - yes

Nyet - no

Amerika - America

Fredka - Alfred

Matvey - Mattie, aka Matthew Williams aka Canada

_A/N - Ivan Braginski is Russia & Alfred F Jones is America. The guards don't know they're countries; they think they're eccentric government officials or something._

xLittleFoolx


	5. Pancakes

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: brief mention of RusAme, Franada if you squint

Rating: T for swearing, France

Warnings: language, Sealand-bashing, mention of guyxguy (if you don't like it, don't read it!), France, little OOC Canada basic French, human names

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: Updates are less frequent now because I started RPing and I started tennis. I will keep chugging along though. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 5~Pancakes

"Now that were here," Canada said. "What do you want to do?"

Sealand wasn't very impressed by he town house in Toronto. It lacked the privacy of both England's cottage and Americas mansion and was really plain. The principality was laying downon a couch and starig at the ceiling while Canada tried to temot him.

"I can make pancakes for dinner," Canada said, thoroughly out of ideas. Babysiting was turning out harder then he'd thought.

Sealand perked up. "What are pancakes?"

Canadas jaw dropped. "How have you nver had pancakes?!"

The boy cowered into the tasteful throw pillows as his babysitter ranted. He'd never seen the quiet, sometimes invisible, nation get so energetic about anything before. In his surprise, Sealand allowed himself to be hauled into the kitchen, sat down, and fussed over. Canada began flitting around the kitchen, getting out the necessary ingredients.

"You poor, deprived child!" Canada said, running his fingers through Sealand's shaggy hair. "You've never had pancakes or a proper haircut."

"Hey!" Sealand protested, battig away the roving hand. "My hair looks fine."

"Hon hon hon," a voice chuckled from the doorway. "Already groomin yourself a little country, mon petit Mattieu?"

Canada said, "He's not even a real country, France."

France, for it was he in the doorway, struck a tragic pose. "Oh, Mattieu! How you wound your poor Papa!"

Sealand looked between the two blonde men curiously. "If France is your dad, does that mean you're a pervert too?"

Canada was stunned for the second time that afternoon. While he gaped like a fish, France sidled up and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It is okay, Mattieu. I accept you for whomever you choose to be."

"I'M NOT A PERVERT!"

:*:*:

Sealand eyed the brown disks on his plate and poked one with his fork. He didn't see what the big deal was. The pancakes looked really boring to him.

As the boy went to take a cautious bite, a shriek from behind him gave him pause. Fully expecting to see his babysitter being molested by France, Sealand turned around brandishing the fork. If he was America's son, hed better start acting like it.

Instead, he saw Canada holding a bottle of generic lite syrup with a look of absolute horror. France did have his hands stretched towards Canadas...assets...

"Where the fuck is the maple syrup?!"

:*:*:

Back in the cellar, America blearily looked around and turned in Russia's arms. He had a feeling he'd forgotten to do something important at his brother's house, but Ivan's warmth lulled him back to sleep.

TRANSLATIONS

mon petit Mattieu-my little Matthew

Mattieu-Matthew

_*Matthew Williams is Canada's human name.*_

xLittleFoolx


	6. Little Cowboy

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: Franada is obvious if you know what to look for

Rating: T for swearing, France, mild imagined acts of violence

Warnings: language, America-bashing, France-bashing, France, basic French, human names

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: Hey look! An update! This chapter contains adorable Sealand. For those not familiar, Canada neer remembers Kumajirou's actual name. That's canon, folks. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 6~Little Cowboy

Sealand was hiding in what he assumed to be a hall closet upstairs until Hurricane Mattie calmed down. It was surprising to see the meek Canadian get worked over something as simple as the type of maple syrup he'd found. The principality had made a run for it when Canada had grabbed the hockey stick.

"That no good hoser! I'll fucking kill Alfred if he shows his stupid American face here ever again!" the northern country had been screaming while Sealand found his hiding place.

The boy looked around the space. It was quite roomy by hall closet standards. Sealand noticed a few odd things like a doll-sized bed, a collar with a bell, and spots of white hair on the ground.

"How strange," Sealand whispered, toeing the collar. It jingled and more curses (both French and English) floated up through the floor. He almost felt bad for leaving France to deal with the pissed nation. Then he remembered that France was a pervert and stopped caring.

Then something obnoxiously orange caught his eye. Sealand shifted a few spare blankets and saw that the item in question was a neon orange cowboy hat made of sturdy foam. He decided to try it on.

Puting his fingers into gun shapes, Sealand quickly turned around and aimed at a stuffed bear. In his imagination, Sealand was no longer a principality struggling for recognition. Instead, he was Peter Jones, a sheriff, and the white bear was no longer a plushie but an escaped robber.

"This town's not big enough for the both of us," Sheriff Peter Jones warned the bear. It sat there in quiet agreement. The house (or town, in Sealands mind) had gone silent. The fighting downstairs had stopped but Sealand's imagination supplied awestruck bystanders, waiting to see who would win the shootout.

"On the count of three then, convict," the little sheriff said, turning around. An imaginary tumbleweed floated past. "3...2...1!"

There was a bang and then Canada shouting, "What are you doing to Kumataro?"

Sealand froze and dropped his finger guns. In the open doorway stood a redfaced Canada, with France's arm around his waist. Sealand's mind moved past these facts and put the incriminating hands behind his back.

"I wasn't doing anything," the boy said innocently. The bear behind him shrugged at Canada like it was no big deal that some strange kid had started a pretend fight.

Canada scrutinized the principality and his mismatched clothing. A sailor suit and a cowboy hat; just like something America might wear. The country sifhed and asked, "Then why are you in Kurotino's room?"

"Don't you mean Kumajirou, cher?" France said in Canada's ear.

He got red again and said, "I know my own bear's name, Francis."

"Who are you?" Kumajirou asked. Canada sighed and hung his head.

"I'm Canada..."

Sealamd looked from the bear to his babysitter in confusion. "He's alive?"

Kumajirou nodded and shuffled to his little bed. He was quickly asleep as Canada took Sealand by the hand and led him downstairs.

TRANSLATIONS

cher-dear

_*Matthew (Mattie) Williams is Canada's human name. Alfred Jones is America. Peter Kirkland and Peter Jones are Sealand's human namrs, dependent on who his legal guardian is at the time. Francis Bonnefoy is France.*_

xLittleFoolx


	7. Sealand Gets a Haircut

Title: Sealand Sucks

Pairing: RusAme!

Rating: T for swearing, France, mild violence, slight sexual situation

Warnings: language, America-bashing, France-bashing, France, horny Russia, basic French, basic romanized Russian, human names, yaoi (man x man), spanking

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and never will.**

Summary: England challenges America to raise Sealand. What follows are cracktastic adventures in parenting as America tries to raise the Principality of Sealand with help from Japan.

A/N: I am so sorry. Life, excuses, etc. I will try to be better. Thank you so much for nearly 1200 views! 5 points to anyone who catches my 'Bridged reference in this chap. My first Hetalia fic, and it is just cracky. If you notice any spelling/grammar mistakes, let me know :)

Chapter 7~Sealand Gets a Haircut

Sealand found himself once again staring down a stack of pancakes while Canada messed with his hair. France had somehow managed to procure a small bottle of pure maple syrup and Canada was content.

"Sealand needs a haircut, eh," the Northern country remarked, untangling a clump of blonde hair. France looked up from his coffee and smiled.

"I could do it, non?" he offered, setting cup down. Sealand paled as the bearded man moved towards him from across the table. As fingers curled around his bangs, Sealand closed his eyes and yelled, "Stranger danger!"

Canada laughed quietly and France looked offended. "I am no stranger. Et I cut hair beautifully!"

Sealand scrambled away from the Frenchman and tried to run upstairs. He got halfway up before France grabbed him and tossed him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Do not worry, mon petit! Je suis un professionel!"

*:*:*

"Remind me again why you're coming with me?" America said, looking at his unusual passenger. Russia smiled and put a hand on the blonde's thigh as he leaned in.

"I want to make sure our love child gets a balanced diet, da?" he breathed into America's ear, inciting a shiver.

"C'mon, Ivan, not now," America whined. "We have to go grocery shopping," he argued, trying to remove the big Russian hand. "And he's not our _love child_ , he's _my_ adopted kid!"

"Oh, Fredka," Russia said lowly; America bit his lip and tried to ignore the hand that crept further up his leg as he turned into the supermarket lot. "I only wish to raise this little family, da?"

"It's only temporary," America said, breath hitching as the hand started rubbing circles over his jeans. Russia undid his seatbelt and loomed over the American.

"Then let me enjoy the time, dear," he murmured, pressing a kiss to America's neck. The blonde moaned but pushed the Russian away.

"Food," he gasped. "We need to buy food for the kid."

Russia sighed and moved away. "Of course, Amerika needs his food."

America frowned at him but followed the taller man into the store. His moodiness was instantly forgotten as row upon row of food presented itself. The nation immediately ran to a small display of Twinkies and cried softly.

"I'm so glad you're back," he said with 5 boxes in his arms. "Don't ever leave me again!"

Russia gagged at the overprocessed cake and grabbed a shopping cart, heading to the produce section instead. When America tried to put 7 boxes of Twinkies next to the bananas and lettuce, the Russian growled.

"You may keep one," he allowes. The smaller nation put on his puppydog eyes but the Russian did not relent. America crossed his arms and looked the other way, determined to wait it out. Thus, he didn't know the other had abandoned the bell peppers until he felt a sharp slap on his ass.

"You may keep **one**," Russia repeated, hand massaging the abused area. America's whimper of pain turned to one of pleasure , and then a whine when Russia went back to the bell peppers. "Sealand must have healthy food, not your Amerikan slop."

"Screw you," America said, taking 5 boxes back to the display. This did not escape Russia's notice, but he decided to keeo choosing healthy foods for Sealand. America's rebellion would be dealt with.

*:*:*

An hour and several squabbles later, America and Russia had made it back to the Ford with several carts of groceries. As they unloaded them into the truck bed, America made pouty faces and rubbed his jean-clad bottom. "Ivan, why'd you have to hit so hard?" he whined, resting against the side of the truck. The ash blonde continued loading fruits and milk, sparing his lover an amused glance.

"I thought my sunflower liked it hard, da?" Russia said, stroking America's backside gently.

"Not in the middle of a grocery store!" he hissed, swatting away the hand and bending to hoist several flats of Coke. Ivan pounced and gave his ass another satisfying smack.

America yelped and shit up, aiming a punch at the Russian. He caught the fist easily and pulled America to his chest. "That is not wise, dear."

Alfred pulled away with a determined expression. "We have to feed Sealand! He might be starving by now."

Russia rolled his eyes and finished loading the truck while the excigable American jumped in and revved the engine. His sunflower could be so ridiculous.

*:*:*

"WE'RE HOME!" America yelled, running into the mansion with a few grocery bags. Russia followed at a more human pace, weighted down by watermelon, milk, and the soda flats.

"What the hell are you doing to him?" America's voice rang out from the kitchen. Russia hurroed to investigate and found France standing menacingly over Sealand with a pair of scissors. The poor boy was tied to a chair and Canada was seemingly absent.

The Frenchman turned around. "Ah, Amerique, Russie, bonjour!"

"Stranger danger!" Sealand yelled, struggling against his bonds.

Russia had set everything down and was advancing, cracking his knuckles. "Privyet, Frantsiya." The nation of love gulped and backed away.

"It was only a haircut," France pleaded as he backed into the wall. The Russian nation grabbed his ruffled collar and shoved him harder against the wall.

"Do not lie to me, Frantsiya," he growled. Francis whimpered.

"Non, non, I would not lie to you, cher Russie," the Frenchman said. "His hair was très shaggy et horriblemente, so I was going to make it look beau, oui?"

Russia, grip still tight on France's lapels, gave the boy in question a once-over. His hair was looking a little unkempt...

"Oh, merci!" France cried as the bruising hold vanished. He rubbed his neck and bent over to retrieve the scissors that had disappeared during the light scuffle.

America, meanwhile, had untied Sealand and was checking him for grevious wounds and intact virtue. "He didn't...**do** anything to you, did he?" he glared at the foppish Frenchman.

"Al, it was just a haircut," Canada said from the doorway. America shrugged.

"Alright, your story checks out," Alfred said, but then glared at Francis. "But I'm watching you."

France shrugged and swept some imaginary dust from his nice jacket before going back to Sealand's haircut. Russia and America finished bringing in the groceries and life in the strange household continued.

*:*:*

"Where did everyone go?" Japan asked no one in particular, finding himself back at England's house.

"Bugger if I know," England answered.

xLittleFoolx


End file.
